Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
