Small penises have feelings too.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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