oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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