I think I died a long time ago.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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