my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize