I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
