she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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