Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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