clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
