Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
