we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize