yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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