For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
