if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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