Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
