i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
