He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
