You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
