Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
did i walk over a car last night?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
