Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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