Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
