a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
