The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Let's paint friendship bongs
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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