It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
