I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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