There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
