my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
