woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
