Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
