So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize