Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
