I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you would pick up someone in the library
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We were destined to go to rehab together
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize