Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i barfeds in our rink
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
