i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
