Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize