I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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