There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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