Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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