please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
