She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
