I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
