i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
