he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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