Just took my morning after pill in the library
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
