Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
