Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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