shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
