apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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