last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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