I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
