3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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