Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
