I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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