Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
