And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
