I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
