I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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