During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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