But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
