What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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