Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize