i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
