im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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