he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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