I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
