As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
