so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
