Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize