Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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