Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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