I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize