dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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