dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize