he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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