he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
