Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
