I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Randomize
