the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
