I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
