What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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