New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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