This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
