It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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