so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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