just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
