and you said cock pushups were impossible
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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